When Jake met Sara it seemed like all the pieces had fallen into place. She was beautiful, she was smart, she was successful, she was funny. She thought he was funny– she laughed at all his jokes, which is important.

And for the first time in his life, Jake saw someone’s eyes actually sparkle. He’d always thought that was just a metaphor until he met Sara. But when she laughed or even just smiled, her beautiful eyes glittered, her dimples kicked in, and Jake thought he might cry from the sheer joy of being with her. And Jake was by no means a crier.

And as if that weren’t enough, Sara loved sports. She knew what the infield fly rule was.

And the sex was incredible! Jake thought he’d had great sex previously, but he realized he’d been wrong. It was nothing compared to this.

One morning after a night of incredible sex at Sara’s place, Jake awoke to find her side of the bed empty. Seconds later he heard the shower turn on and thought, “I’ll surprise her in there… but first I should do something about this morning breath.”

So he went into the living room where his belongings were and grabbed a stick of gum from his jacket and a glass of water from the kitchen sink. Then he sat on the couch to chew his gum and drink his water. And he never meant to invade her privacy, but right there on the coffee table was an open notebook. He couldn’t help but see the words scrawled in red pen, “I love Jake. I love Jake so much. I love him so much it’s hard to breathe. Sometimes I look into his eyes and I just think my heart might explode. I haven’t felt anything like this ever before. When I hold him, I just want to squeeze him him so tight we squish into one person. I just hope I can handle a committed relationship. But I think I can. I’m not the same person I was when I stabbed Philip with the steak knife.”

Well, Jake didn’t know what to do, so he just went back to bed, lay there, and pretended to be asleep. When Sara came back all clean and nubile and cuddled up next to him, they snuggled for a bit, then had really incredible sex. But when Jake got back to his apartment that afternoon, he called every friend he had, male, female, and other, and asked: What should I do?

And they all said the exact same thing. Get out. Get out now! The longer you wait, the harder it’ll be. Get out now and don’t look back.

So the next day when Jake met Sara for coffee he said, “Sara, I really care about you. I care about you a lot, but this has gone so far, so fast… I think maybe we should slow down a bit, take some time apart, to make sure we’re not just getting carried away.”

Sara looked at the floor, nibbled her bottom lip, and then nodded her head. “Okay,” she said, “if that’s what you really want.” And with that, Jake gave her a hug, then walked out of the coffee shop and never looked back.

Which is too bad, because if he had looked back, he might have seen Sara bearing down on him full speed in her car.

Well, Jake survived and Sara got seven years. But for the rest of his life, Jake was haunted by the nagging suspicion that they might have had an absolutely perfect life together, if only he hadn’t seen that stupid fucking diary.

–Jack McKnife

© David van Wert