Frequently Asked Questions

Q: What questions are you frequently asked?

A: None, really. Did you have a question? Besides that first one, I mean?

Q: No.

A: Hmm. Well, guess that about wraps this page up. If anybody has a question they’d like to ask, please click here to ask your question. Getting asked one time is frequent enough for me.

Q: Do you want fries with that?

A: No. I’m fully aware of your meal deals, and if I’d wanted fries (or a drink) I’d have mentioned it up front. I did not forget that I wanted fries. Today, I simply want the sandwich. But I would like a thingy of Ranch Dressing, thanks.

Q: What in God’s name were you thinking?!

A: I wasn’t thinking! Okay? That’s my whole problem! I. Just. Don’t. Think.

Q: Do you know why I pulled you over?

A: No. I assume I was speeding or have a busted brakelight, because there is no way you could possibly know about the cocaine in my wheel wells or the dead hooker in my trunk. And if you did know about either of those things, you’d certainly not be waltzing up to my window so nonchalantly. So I figure it was probably something dumb like speeding or having a brakelight out.

Q: Where the fuck are my keys?

A: How the fuck would I know? Sorry, I guess that’s answering a question with a question. Did you accidentally leave them in the trunk as you were putting the dead hooker in there? That’s also a question, but a very valid one, IMHO.