davidvanwert.com

1: Buy plane tix to UK.
2: Eat lotsa xtra spicy vindaloo.
3: Find home of BP CEO Tony Hayward; pull down pants; park ass over pool.
4: Wait. Hold as long as possible. Eventually take massive vindaloo dump. Also, fling crap (or urinate) on all pets, lawn furniture, & exterior door knobs (including cars). Any of his family members who happen to be outside at the time also get the treatment.
5: Get GOP to say I shouldn’t pay any cleaning bills at all.

If he dares to complain, GOP congress-douches like Joe Barton, John Cornyn, & Michele Bachmann will tell him HE should be apologizing to ME! Rush Limbaugh will call him a socialist for suggesting I ought to pay some cost for cleaning my shit off his stuff and family.

After I spray my putrid effluvia all over Tony Hayward’s loved ones and prized possessions, I’ll finally know what it’s like to be rich! Sweet!